


I'm not ready (for her to hate me)

by shelovesc0ntrol



Series: I'm not ready [1]
Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Rewrite, Closeted Character, Coming Out, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:55:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26871013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shelovesc0ntrol/pseuds/shelovesc0ntrol
Summary: The one where Beca is really scared of coming out to her mom and Chloe is scared she's ashamed of her.Between PP1-PP2, in Beca's sophomore year.
Relationships: Beca Mitchell/Jesse Swanson (past), Chloe Beale & Beca Mitchell, Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell
Series: I'm not ready [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1960840
Comments: 5
Kudos: 35





	I'm not ready (for her to hate me)

**Author's Note:**

> There's homophobia implied and past bullying. There isn't any graphic violent description, but just in case.  
> I don't have a beta reader and English is not my first language, so if you see any mistake please let me know.

Chloe was in love with Beca. She had been for a while, even before the brunette had broken up with Jesse, she knew she loved her. It was just what it was, one moment they were really good friends and suddenly she was feeling all sorts of things when she saw the petite girl. She wasn't interested in getting in between a relationship, even when she saw her friend longing looks and knew she wasn't exactly indifferent. A couple of months later, Beca (finally) broke up with her boyfriend and they started dating. 

They had decided to take it slow, so they dated for a while before actually deciding to get together. Now they had been together for 5 months and they were really happy. Chloe was so proud to be Beca's girlfriend that it didn't take long for her to call her family and tell them the news. They were really happy for them, having suspected about Chloe's sexuality for a long time (she wasn't exactly shy or subtle). The Bella's found out soon enough too, and honestly, they were so used to them being obvious on her mutual pinning they didn't notice anything different when they started dating. Everything was perfect, according to Chloe, except Beca hadn't told her family about them. At first, she thought nothing about it, it was new and maybe the brunette didn't want to spoil it. She knows her girl didn't really like to share her feelings with anyone but her (she was a very private person). After a while, the redhead started to feel a little insecure. She started to think that maybe Beca was ashamed of her, and that was why she wouldn't tell people she was her girlfriend. She thought maybe she was too affectionate, or too much of a dork. Maybe she wasn't "alternative" enough for Beca and she didn't want to tell her family she was dating someone like her. It had been weeks and these thoughts wouldn't leave her head, but she didn't want her girl to notice it and become worried. She didn't want to talk about it, because she was afraid of the answer.

"Babe you're being weird, are you okay?" she heard the brunette tell her. She didn't realize she was overanalyzing stuff again, lost in her thoughts.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said, softly. They were cuddling in bed, after having an awfully busy day with midterms and Bellas rehearsals.

"Chlo please tell me what's going on, you've been really weird these last couple of days. I feel like you're less bright than usual and I don't know what I did wrong. I can't do anything about it if you don't tell me what's bothering you"

That had been an issue between them. Chloe wasn't used to talking about what bothered her. Beca was known to be a runner and she felt so lucky to be with her, that she was really scared to do anything that would make her girlfriend pull away. She found really difficult to tell the girl she was sad or that her feelings were hurt because she always felt that maybe Beca would think she was too much and wouldn't want to be with her anymore. But she had promised she would try to work things up and she was no liar.

"It's just that I don't know why you don't want people to know about us" she murmured, quietly. She kind of hoped her girlfriend hadn't heard it, but she knew she had just by looking at her face. She also knew she had to elaborate. "I mean, I get that you're a private person. I wouldn't want to change anything about you, but sometimes I feel like you're ashamed of being with me. Sometimes I wish I was a boy, just because I think you wouldn't have a problem telling your mom about me if I was one"

Chloe closed her eyes, partly trying to stop herself from crying and partly because she was afraid of the look she would see in Beca's eyes.

"I love you, Chlo. I can't believe I got so lucky that you fell in love with me. I don't feel ashamed of you, I actually think you're way out of my league. It's just..." she sighed and Chloe opened her eyes to look at her. She realized she wasn't the only one about to cry "It's just that I don't think my mom would take well the news that I'm dating a woman. And I'm not ready for her to hate me".

With the last word, a tear dropped out of her eye. Chloe didn't really know what to do, she was usually the crier in the relationship, and she knew that if her girlfriend cried, then the topic had extremely affected her.

"Why do you think that, babe? It's okay, I understand. I can wait as long as you need" She responded.

"It's kind of a long story" the brunette whispered. She breathed slowly for a while, trying to calm. When she finally felt a little better, she started talking:

"She was never a homophobe when I was young, like, she always told me some boys liked boys and some girls liked girls. She even corrected her sister when she said homophobic shit at family events. But when I was in high school something happened and I realized maybe she was cool with that as long as it wasn't her daughter the gay one"

She took a long breath, and cuddled closer to her girlfriend, before continuing.

"She was the most amazing mom, though. Have I ever told you I was bullied as a freshman? It was pretty bad, apparently, some girl's boyfriend had a thing for me, so her entire group of friends started to beat me up and send me threats... it got pretty awful, so my parents decided to transfer me to a different school for my sophomore year. When my parents divorced and my dad left, she worked two jobs so we could keep living in the same school district and I wouldn't have to transfer again. She was always there for me, no matter what."

Chloe looked at her lover's face. She had a sad smile, which was strange considering she was talking about how her mom was great.

"What makes you think she would have a problem with you not being straight?" she asked. After a long sigh and continued talking.

"The first day of sophomore year I was really nervous and scared it would be the same as the last one. The guy the school asked to show me around was no help, so I got lost and got to my first class late. I was dreading having to ask where was the classroom for my next class, but a girl stood there waiting for me and offered to show me around. She even invited me to have lunch with her and her friends. Her name was Michelle and she was really nice, she was my first friend there. She had a girlfriend that was a junior, Sophie." she stopped again.

"Keep going, babe. I'm listening" the redhead said, encouraging her girlfriend.

"Ok, so we were pretty close, we had a group chat with a couple of other friends and that stuff. On winter break something happened. Michelle got out of the group chat and a couple of minutes later Sophie wrote that Michelle's parents had found out about them and had grounded her, they were pulling her out of the school and transferring her to a catholic one. She had found out because Mich's older brother had called her and told her everything. Their parents had even told him they would throw him out of the house if he helped Sophie contact his sister. We tried to visit her, but her mother was taking her to school every morning and went for her every afternoon. Some of the other girls talked to her mom and she let them visit, but only with her present and only the ones she already knew. It was pretty awful, Sophie was never the same. And d'you know what my mom said to me when I told her this? She said she'd do the same thing, she would take me away so I wouldn't turn." As she finished her story crying quietly and hid her face on the redhead's chest.

"I'm so sorry, baby. It must have been really awful to hear" she said, trying to comfort the petite. She caressed her back and stroke her hair.

"It was. I mean, I didn't even know I liked girls back then, but I was really sad to have lost my friend, and there she was telling me her support was not unconditional. I'm not ashamed of you, Chlo. I would love to tell my mom and be able to invite you to meet her on summer break, but I'm really scared. I know my dad loves me and he didn't abandon me when they split up, but at the time it really felt like it and my mom was my only family. I'm not ready for her to hate me". 

At this point, Beca started crying harder. She was actively sobbing in her girlfriend's chest while she made everything in her power to try to calm her. It was at least a quarter of an hour later when she finally was able to speak again and her throat was burning. Still, she tried her best to speak clearly and look at Chloe's blue eyes while doing it:

"I know I'm kind of cold, but I don't mean to be. I can try to be more affectionate and I can try to more open about us. I don't have a problem with people knowing about us, you know? I really am so proud to be your girlfriend. I know I don't usually introduce you as my girlfriend but that doesn't mean I don't want people to know. The thing is, this is only my second relationship and I hate that I didn't need to say "this is my boyfriend" when I was with Jesse, everyone would just assume we were together. I really wish people would assume you and I are together because I like people knowing I'm the girlfriend of the most beautiful and talented woman."

Chloe smiled, all her anxiety and insecurities now were gone. She was really happy with Beca and now she understood her better, she knew better how to act and how to respect her boundaries. She was still worried about the brunette's mother and part of her was scared that her girlfriend would never be ready, but for now, that was enough. They could discuss it another time.

\---

And they did. A couple of months later, the spring semester was ending. The Bella's had just won their second UCCA's. Chloe arrived at the Bella's house to find Beca facetiming her mom. She had said hello a couple of times when the brunette called her, but she tried to avoid it. She didn't really felt comfortable acting like they we're just friends. But also, she tried to keep Beca from realizing she avoided greeting the DJ's mom. So, she waited for her girlfriend to end the call and then greeted her with a little kiss.

"Hey, I didn't see you there, I would have told my mom to say hi to you, babe," she said as soon as they broke the kiss.

"No biggie, another time."

"I have a proposal for you. Would you maybe want to come to visit for a week or so during the summer break?" said Beca with a smile. Then added, "I would make me really happy that you meet my mom. I know it can't be like my girlfriend, but we can go on dates while you're there and she doesn't need to know".

"Umm I don't know babe, I hate acting like we're not together. I hate having to think twice every time I say something to you so I don't call you pet names. I'm not sure it's the best idea." she said, hating the idea of saying no to her girlfriend when she was so happy, but she also knew that she would be miserable if she agreed.

"Oh... it's fine, you can meet her another time"

Beca's eyes were not shining so bright anymore, which made the redhead felt guilty.

"Actually Becs, I really wanted us to talk about this. It's not a big deal, I don't want it to become an issue for us, but I've been feeling kind of anxious about it for a while. What if you never feel ready? I love you so much and I really can picture us in the future, but lately, I've been wondering if our future will always be an elaborate lie to your mom's eyes" she said. She figured she needed to say it all before she chickened out.

"Chlo, I'm really not ready. I don't know when I'll be, I just know I'm not ready now. I love you too, I'm in love with you and I don't think I'll ever not be in love with you. I see a future together too, and I will tell her someday. But she's really far right now and her not knowing doesn't affect our relationship daily. I obviously wouldn't get married and hide it from her, or something like that. I just don't want to do it while I don't have to, knowing it she'll hate me. Is that so terrible?" The angst was evident in Beca's voice and now Chloe was mad at herself for making her girlfriend sad. She understood the brunette's point of view. She felt relieved about her declarations. That's why she decided to extend an olive branch, after all, the girl she was in love with had just told her she would tell her mom and risk it all to have a future together. She could make some sacrifices too.

"It's more than okay, baby. It's not terrible at all. And I have a counter proposal for you now. What about I come to visit but I stay at my cousin's inn. You can come to stay with me for a couple of days and I can go and meet your mom. Do you think is a good enough balance?" she said. Beca's face immediately brightened up as she nodded enthusiastically.

"Okay, that actually sounds great"

"And you have to come to visit too. My family has been nagging me for days about inviting you over the summer, you can meet all of them. My siblings usually come to visit every weekend during the holidays" she added. It was true. Ever since she had told her parents she and Beca were together her family was really excited to meet the girl who had finally made their baby settle down.

"Okay, I will, but you can't leave me alone with your brothers and you can't tell anyone the shower story."

They both smiled at each other. It was going to be a really nice summer.

**Author's Note:**

> The story is based on different personal experiences mixed with a little of my imagination. I might do a part 2 and a part 3 (I have a little prompt for each one), but let me know if I should do it. Please comment, any critique is welcomed!


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